Last Blog!

This is in response to Caitlyn Burkes
http://discoveryofwomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/04/eleventh-blog-assignment.html#comment-form

I have a cousin who thinks the same way you do, due to popular culture. She has a nice shape and is very pretty, but because she is not as small as what popular culture views as "pretty" she has become very self conscious of herself. In middle school she developed an eating disorder and it had an effect on everyone in the family. She has gotten a lot better, and I'm happy to hear you are too! Popular culture has the power to cause some devastating affects on teens, and this class has changed my view on it a lot.

This is in repsonse to Megan Baratti

http://meganwomensstudies.blogspot.com/2012/04/pop-culture.html?showComment=1335198677042#c4808755406246762256
Her character sounds very inspiring in the ways in which you describe. It is true though, that many tv shows do not show many hard working women as happy. In the new move "Think Like a Man" Tariji P. Henson plays a very successful women who has troubles finding a guy because of how cold she was. She was even once described as "her own man." It is very ironic.

From this class I have learned so much about what goes on in the world from the workforce to my own body. I never realized how much thought is put into many people's actions and how those actions affect my life as well. The popular culture section is something that has influenced me more than any other section. It is so crazy to me how women are viewed, and what advertisers think is "sexy" and what they think "could sell." I will never look at a movie or commercial the same again. There are so many hidden agendas behind advertisments that is can almost be seen as sickening. The comments from my classmates have also helped shaped my views. After the class where personal questions were asked and each classmate had to stand up depending on the answer changed my views as well. It shows that even though the same thing happens to most people, how many different options there are to deal with what happened. I have already begun using the knowledge I have learned outside the classroom. With my major being Public Relations, and me being a women and having a baby tracker, it shows me how difficult it is going to be to get where I want in my future. This class has lit a fire under my butt and I'm working even harder now.

Pop Culture Influence

Pop culture has influenced me in many ways that I am sure I am unaware of. One of the ways I am sure I have been affected is the ideal of a fairy tale relationship. Seeing movies like, The Notebook, have given me an ideal that I will find the right man and when I do nothing will be able to keep us apart. Movies have planted many ideas in my head on how life should be, because of how life is depicted in them. Television shows and reality shows have, however, planted completely different ideas in my head. Shows like, Basketball Wives, show me how even older women have friendship problems making it difficult for me to believe that there are women I can trust. It has already been believed that women are in competition and cannot trust each other, and a lot of reality shows support that claim.
The songs that come out these days usually all surround the fact that alcohol, love, or smoking are the best things in life. They make it seem like that if you do not have one of these three things in your life, then you must be living a boring, not normal life.
When it comes to what I think about gender, pop culture has made it seem like men are getting stronger and women are getting weaker. It is actually not the fact that women are getting weaker, but it seems like we are only focused on sexually and we only think about love. While in reality it is seen how women are working harder and doing men's work, pop culture shows us still being soft. While there are some songs by, Beyonce, who show the power of women like her song "Who Runs the World" and "Best I Never Had" she still has songs that show her need of love and want like "Dangerously in Love."
Men are becoming depicted as hard core in much of pop culture, and in many ways they are seen as tough by degrading women. Pop culture has angles from all positive and negative spectrum, but it is what is the most popular and widely viewed that catches the attention of everyday people. These views may change depending on the preferences of the people, but even some ideas are so popular that if it is not even your preference you still feel the influence. Pop culture has had many different influences on my mind, but none have truly shaped it. I have come to expect some things, but what I choose to make of those influences are positive. I use them to broaden my views, but not to negatively view any of them.

Second-Shifting

In today's society women are working extremely hard to earn their full rights in the workforce. Not only do they work hard in their careers, but they still are expected to to take care of all of the housework as well. Second-shifting is a problem for women because of the stress it has on women. Many women want equal rights in the workforce so they have to put just as much time their jobs as they do their kids. Many women are trying to be what is defined as the term "supermom." This is the mom that goes to work full-time and still comes home to cook dinner for their families and clean up after them.
Second-shifting is a form of oppression because it makes women tired. Many people ask why the third wave of feminism has not yet happened, and this is because women are working so hard that they are just worn out. Women try so hard to keep up with men, that they are not able to truly fight for what they want. In reality the workforce is usually run by men, and for women to get ahead in work they usually have to compensate for the man which is exactly what they are trying to end.
Many women work twice as hard as their grandmothers because they do want a successful career, but many think they have to be the one doing house work because the men will not do it right. This is where the separation of women's work and men's work comes in. Household work like cleaning and scheduling appointments are seen as women's work, and many women do not want the man doing the work. They have the idea of "If I want something done right, I have to do it myself." With this gender behavior still being reinforced it makes it much harder on women to truly step away from the old idea of what a woman and wife "should" do. Many women have realized this oppression that the new age women face, but nothing has changed. This is probably due to the fact that they too are working women with families and they are just as tired as everyone else. Second-shifting is an oppression to women because in hind-sight women are still not improving in the workforce no matter how they work, and they do twice as much work as a man. Even if the other half of work is "women's work."

Violence

I have never been a victim of domestic violence, but I have known females who have been physically abused by males. When I moved into my first apartment in Hattiesburg this year I stayed with my two cousins. The apartment complex we moved into usually doesn't allow guys to live with girls, but since we were all related they allowed it. At first everything was fun because classes had not started yet. We were all just hanging out and having a good time. My guy cousin was the only one with a car at the time. My girl cousin had a car, but it was being fixed up at the time so he was our only mode of transportation. Once classes started however, the whole ride situation was starting to get out of hand. We all had classes at different times and we knew that our cousin was getting tired of driving us around. We started finding our own rides, but it seemed like that was even problem. We started to associate it with him losing power. He started to feel like he didn't control us anymore because we could do things without him.
Eventually we stopped speaking to each other, and he started always bringing guys over to keep him company. They were guys he grew up with like his brother and his best friends from high school, but they always ate the food we bought and we had to clean up after them. Finally one day things went bad. Our cousin didn't answer our phone calls to pick us up from campus, so we had to find a ride again. When we got there he was sitting on the couch with all his friends laughing. We didn't speak to him we each just went into our rooms. Soon I heard him banging on my cousin's door, cursing her out, and making a huge scene in front of his friends. She walked out her room and they began arguing. Soon his brother joined in and they both started grabbing on her and pushing her around. I tried to help, but my cousin's friend told me to stay in my room. I came back out just in time to see my cousin pick my other cousin off the ground and throw her across the room into a wall. She blacked for a little while then got up and tried to call the police. He started to wrestle her for her cell phone and I called people to come help. Eventually all the guys left, and my cousin and I went to the police station so she could file a protective order against him. We had him removed from the apartment and placed somewhere else. I thought I would witness something like that, and I felt completely helpless. She had many bruises on her arms and back.
We both agreed that all played out just so he could seem manly and in control in front of his friends. We still really do not speak him, because he never seemed to realize he did wrong. I've tried to reach out to him because I think he needs help, but you cannot help somebody who does not want to be helped. It was a scary moment and I hope I never have to witness it again. I'm just happy my cousin is okay.

"Sex Talk"

My mom has always been the one to give me "the talks." My dad tried once to give me a talk and it was all bad. I remember it was before I went to prom my sophomore year. I didn't have a date necessarily or anything because it's a junior-senior prom. My friend didn't have a date either so she invited me to go with her. Either way I wasn't going with a guy. My dad had it stuck in his head that since I'm going to prom I had to be going with a guy.
My dad decided to take me out to eat one day, which was very strange. Since I don't live with my dad I only see him on holidays or when something dealt with sports in my life. Because he wanted to take me out to eat, I knew something was wrong. He started off the conversation joking around with me about if wanted to order a limo for prom and all that stuff, then things went bad. He said, "Prom is such a cliche thing." I already knew where he was going. He started saying, "When I guy thinks your pretty, he'll be real sweet and ask you to go to things like prom and such." He then said, "And after a guy is real sweet, he's gonna want you to be sweet in return." I practically threw up in my mouth. I wasn't sexually active at the time, and to think my dad was trying to give me the "talk" just grossed me out.
He started saying how "giving it up" on prom was cliche and I would regret it for the rest of my life. He is so bad at things like that and it was so awkward. It took me a while to even think about sex again because every time I tried to I pictured my dad.

Responses

http://lynpollans.blogspot.com/2012/02/because-it-isnt-lady-like-and-he-will.html

I see where Lyn is coming from.
I see this a lot where I am from also. Even though I stay just an hour away on the coast, it is normal for girls to ride four-wheelers and hang out with boys. I used to do the same thing. That's why I always wanted to play football and basketball instead of cheerleading and got upset when I was told it wasn't lasy like.

My friend's little brother is about 10. He plays football with the guys but has a lot of lady like tendencies. He crosses his legs and like to play with girls. Everybody picks on him and tell him he is going to be gay. I think it is just because he is around all females and his dad is never home but to yell at him. He likes girls and thinks they are pretty. I see nothing wrong with him wanting to surround himself with pretty ladies.

http://lenciarenae.blogspot.com/2012/02/blog-post-5.html#comment-form

Valencia, it's amazing to see the differences in communites.
Things like this are the reason many homosexuals commit suicide. I understand how some communities are even though mine is the complete oppostie. I have a friend who denies he is gay everyday, but everyone knows he is. He is acted like a girl ever since he was a little kid. He has grown up to be just as feminine as me, but he does appreciate a beautiful woman. He has never had a serious girlfriend, but he has been suspected of having relations with more than one guy.

The difference with my community is that although people tease him and talk about him being a homosexual, it would actually be easier for him to come out of the closet instead of trying to deny it. By denying it, it just gives more people to talk about. A community like yours calls for many sterotypes to be proven. I'm sorry to hear about you have been affected by it, but I'm happy to hear that you have became friends with the guy instead of shunning him like the rest of your community. It shows character.

After watching the last video in class it opened up my eyes a lot to homophobia and religion. People who are scared of the so called normal will find anything stable and widely popular to back up their views of a subject. With this being said, what is one of the most popular and also controversial things? The most obvious answer is The Bible. The Bible is a book you can read over and over again and each time gain a different perspective from even just reading the same scripture more than once. I'm Methodist but I am also from a very small town. In our church everybody knows each other or know other families very well. Our preacher tries to stay away from the subject of homosexuality because there are members of our church who many suspect to be homosexual and he does not want to offend anyone for fear of losing members. We are a very small church and the more people we lose the harder it is to pay off the bills for the church.
However, if one was to ask around to older members of our church they would all say homosexuality is a sin. They do not place is as the "all-mighty" sin like others and they do not call it an "abomination." They do not see being homosexual as wrong per say but they do not favor the idea either. Different people in the church have different views.
Some believe that you have a choice, but families like mine believe there are instances when you do not have a choice. My family is very open with the idea of homosexuality because we do have them in our family, and they are always the life of the party. Families that are not like mine though, will use The Bible and religion as an excuse to show homosexuality to be wrong because they do not like the idea and because of the way they interpret the readings.
I never realized how much of The Bible has been changed through different time periods because of the change of human views and ideals of that time period until the movie we watched in class. I, myself, have not sat down and read the entire Bible. I also do not go through and pick and choose verses to match a preference of mine when it takes away from the scripture as a whole. Seeing how at one point, eating shrimp was an abomination amazes me at how people can completely look over that because it is something so common. I do not agree with those practices and neither does my church. They always look at things from all angles, which is something many more people should do.

My Oppression

When someone like me sits down and thinks about the oppressions that I face, but also think about the advantages it is easier to think of the oppressions first. I am a young black female. The odds are against me first because I'm young. So one would think I'm inexperienced, immature, and unreliable. Since there is racism in the world, it is hard in certain situations to be a woman of color. Finally, being a woman has its connotations of its own. As we talked about in class, many of those ideals are negative. A woman is seen as dependent, weak, emotional, etc. All of those which are seen as negative aspects to have in the same work environment as a man.
As an educated woman, however, I am privileged. I am privileged to be able to sit in a classroom and work my way to earn a degree. Once I earn my degree, it will open up doors to many job opportunities I would not have been able to have a chance with before. Some people see woman having privileges like getting things done for them, or having people take it easy on them. However, I see that as an oppression also. I do not want to have people take it easy on me because they think I can't handle it. I do not see it as equal. Even though sometimes I do not mind a nice gentlemen to do things for me out of kindness, I do not want it done out of pity.
I do believe that as an educated woman we have a right to mitigate those privileges. I also believe that by first looking at everyone equal without stereotypes we could start to alleviate the oppressions that are brought upon us. It sounds like a simple thing to do, but when you really think about it when you first look at someone how they dress, talk, and look create a big first impression. First impressions aren't always correct and by being open minded it is easier to eliminate the labels that are usually forced upon us.

Not Girly Enough?

When I was younger, I was never into things that other girls were into. If I wanted dolls of some sort, I wanted action figures. There were a few times that I asked for actual barbie dolls, but it was only because my sister and friends would always want to play with them. I liked to play with race cars and action figures like Buzz Lightyear. My mom didn't really mind much by it because I still had alot of friends and none of them judged me. Soon it did start to bother her though because she started having to force me to wear a dress, even on picture day.
I can remember one time for sure, when I used to go to the Boys and Girls, where my mom told me I wasn't girly enough. I was in middle school around the time and all my friends were either guys or gils who were just like me, not girly. Everyday after school we all rode the bus to the Boys and Girls Club where we would do homework for two hours, then afterwards we could do whatever activities we wanted. I always wanted to play flag football with the guys. Flag football was the only kind of football allowed after a while because girls like me always wanted to play. Surprisingly, I was one of the best players. At first, I was picked last because I was a girl but then they saw I was one of the fastest ones and then I was almost always picked first. Soon the football tryouts for middle school was coming up, and I was playing flag football every day to try and get better. I hadn't told my mom or dad yet because I knew they wouldn't like it, but I also figured they would support me anyway.
Finally the day of tryouts came, and not only did my mom tell me it wouldn't "look" right if I played football but so did the coaches and all my teachers. They all said people would assume I was gay and would give me a bad reputation. Even though I tried out for other sports and enjoyed them, that experience made me pick out what activities to do more carefully in fear of how I may be viewed as "ungirly."

There are many influences in a young woman's life. These influences can mold how a woman thinks and acts about their surrounding situations. Influences can come from many different things including one's neighborhood, church, school, and parents. As a young woman, I myself, know that I am influenced from my closest friends and my mother. I do, however, inlcude my mother as my friend. Being a child, one forgets how at one point in time their own parents were children as well. We forget how they have been through many of the same trials that we go through everyday.
According to Anita Diamant, in her best selling novel, The Red Tent, she says, "If you want to understand any woman you must first ask about her mother and then listen carefully. [...] The more a daughter knows the details of her mother’s life—without flinching or whining—the stronger the daughter.” I consider this quote to be one of the most accurate quotes I've read about understanding a woman. To understand a woman it is important to know of her past, but if one was really listening they would see that their mother would be the biggest influence in their stories. My mother is my role model, my backbone, and my best friend.
I was fortunate to grow up with a mother who loved being a mom. She loved to watch my sister and I grow up, and she did everything she could to provide a comfortable environment for us. My mom grew up with six siblings. She was the youngest of them all. Because of this, she was able to see their mistakes and see how her parents handled the situations. My mom is very observant and has a good memory of her life. She has been through many difficult things and by listening to her stories and seeing how successful and strong of a person she is now gives me the courage to try and be half of the woman she is today.  
My mother has been through a lot. She has lost both of her parents, and although she is the youngest of all seven children they all look up to her. One day I will be like my mother, and I'll make her proud. Having an influence like that in my life has changed me for the better, at least in my opinion. She is one influence that will forever have an important stance in my life.